The Healing Diaries: Day 149 ‘Binge Eating Free’ – You Are UNBREAKABLE ⚔

44738002_10156778223480120_6874772456410710016_oToday marks 149 days since I said “yes” to healing my addiction and obsession with food, and it also marks 149 days of sweet freedom.

And it’s here that I’m meeting something that has been sitting even deeper underneath the layers that I’ve been gently peeling away.

This weekend, I took myself to a powerful workshop, “The Unbreakable Spirit”… And even though I was open to feeling whatever would rise up – I had no idea that I would be faced with an even DEEPER ‘fear’ that has been patiently sitting underneath this binge-eating coping mechanism that I created, for so long. 💛

Before I say more, let’s rewind for a moment…

At the very beginning when binge-eating became a part of life, I had no idea WHY I had turned to food.

I felt guilty. I felt shame. I felt pleasure. I felt overwhelming pain. I felt… desperate, alone, broken, dirty and confused.

Even though I was ‘physically free’ from what happened, 2009 was one of the most torturous years. My entire world had been ripped from beneath me, and I felt lost. 💔

Fast forward to 2017, where I began to do the work of inquiring within and facing it once and for all… I found binge-eating pulling at me more than ever.

149 days ago I decided to face it off.

I screamed NO.  I got angry. I grieved. I entered the break-up.

Then I grabbed binge by the hands and said let’s be friends.

I said thank YOU to me for conjuring up this mechanism that saved me.

I saw that all along Binge was never asking me to suffocate my soul with food and keep abandoning myself, no… What I felt was that binge-eating, was actually asking me to do the opposite – she was asking me to let ME breathe, allow mySELF to be heard, to be felt, to sit with myself and give me what I need…

And when I listened deeper and kept letting go, I transformed myself into the nurturing mother for what has always lived within…

Giving myself a big hug, all the love I need, and the reassurance that I’m not saying NO to me again. Never.

And now at day 149, there’s something different…

I’m meeting the voice that wants me to let go of the obsession trying to control my urge to binge – which is tracking my food, counting every calorie, staying clear of ‘trigger foods’ and denying myself of what I truly want.

And it’s terrifying. I won’t pretend. And it’s showing me a BIG fear that I’ve never wanted to admit out loud – but I’m going to. I’m going to feel it all.

I learned so much this weekend. SO much. Though one thing I will keep coming back to as I find myself at this stage is this – that fear and all of those emotions that we hate facing off, they come as part of being human, and they are NOT us. 

Fear will always be within, BUT we always have the option to take the seat of the witness, keep coming back home, and instead of pushing against it, FLOW and MOVE with it.

So just as I have been turning this Binge demon into an Angel and giving it wings. I am going to take the hands of this fear, move with it, put it in a ‘gentle’ headlock if I need to and train it so I can move through this next part of the journey.

For I am worthy of love, that part of me was never broken or stolen.

Just as when a child is born, they enter the world already beautiful, perfect and utterly deserving of love… All of us are still and always have been worthy to.

Brokenness is learned. Not innate. So here’s a reminder to me, you, and everyone – each time you feel your world spinning out of control, keep finding your way back to what is already whole – that life that breathes within you.

I will always bend, but I can never break.

You ARE Unbreakable.
You ARE Unbreakable.
You ARE Unbreakable.

I love you 😌 xoxo

Thank you The Teachings of TAIYO for the powerful reminder, thank youThe Rising Dawn Sanctuary for making this even possible, and thank you to the warrior souls who joined me.❤️❤️❤️

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I’m the Brand Strategist and Head of Marketing for Paul Gough Media — what we do?

We use Digital Marketing Strategies to help great Healthcare Professionals, become even more successful business owners, and live extraordinary lives (while serving more people — who need their help).

Learn more when you click here.

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My ‘Jam’ At The Moment: London Grammer – If You Wait

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