The Moment I Decided To Commit To ME

I commit to ME.

For the longest time, I wondered, “what’s missing?”

I would ask myself…

Where is that lover I have always yearned for…? Who I thought would ‘complete me’, and feed happiness to my soul…

Where is that friend when I feel alone, and my whole world is folding in…? Who I thought would ‘lift me up’ and make my ‘loneliness wither away’…

WHAT is missing? What IS missing? What is MISSING?…

And then finally, in a moment of high despair while sitting in my car after being triggered and disturbed on hospital bed… I found myself asking ME this:

“Ok, Amy, what is it you’re really looking for?…”

And somehow at that moment, I was able to answer with this…

“I do not know. But I’ll be damned if I don’t search for the answer, within ME, this time.”

That day was the day I commited to ME.

That day was the day that sparked the courage to independatly look inside, and this time not bypass my emotions.

I knew the answer wouldn’t magically come to me overnight.

I knew I wouldn’t transform into this perfect person I had been judging myself for not being for so long.

But I knew, at that moment, I had to make a commitment to me, to empower myself, and to keep asking the questions to re-commit, over and over and over again to my healing EVERY gorgeous time a challenge comes my way.

What I’ve found, and what I want to share with you is this…

Over the course of the last 6 months of 2018… every single day things have changed within me for the better.

Yes, there may be infinite layers of my mind, body, and soul that need to be peeled away, and with each peeling may come a downpour of tears, heartache and sorrow for the thousands of microscopic layers of ME I had unconsciously left behind…

But what I now know for sure, is that all this time, all that I had been waiting for was ME.

And I’m accepting with pure joy and curiosity, the invitation this physical form (body) gives me every single moment to go inside, listen, breathe, adjust, change and grow.

Oh, how sweet it feels to be home.

I will NEVER leave me again.

I will never, ever, ever, leave this home.

To be continued…

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