Just over a month ago I spent a long weekend back in Essex with my family.
2 weeks ago, I spent the entire day linking arms and shopping (literally until we dropped), in York with my Mum.
Last Sunday (18th June) was Fathers Day, but I couldn’t be there…
And it felt hard.
Homesickness gets real in my world sometimes.
I can be laying on my sofa in stillness for a moment, and all of a sudden it hits me, that something’s missing…
But the homesickness I feel, it’s never actually about ‘home’ — it’s something else entirely…
…it’s about our instinctive human need for love, connection and security.
It’ll be 2 years ago in a months time that I moved out and packed my life in a van to move to the North East.
Ok, it might only be 300 miles away, but to someone who is British born and bred, 300 miles is humungous.
Everything happened so quick, I didn’t really have a chance to let it all sink in,
All I knew, was that I had this massive, exciting, opportunity being handed to me, and I just HAD to say yes… To turn it down, was NOT an option, and never even crossed my mind.
And while it’s one of the BEST decisions I’ve ever made,
It can get emotionally tough sometimes (but lately, I’ve discovered a way to realise, it doesn’t have to be…)
When It All Began…
This new feeling of ‘homesickness’ I’d never experienced before hit me hard 10 weeks after my move… Around October 2015.
I remember by the time Friday nights came around, I dreaded the weekend.
Some nights when I got in from work, I’d lay in bed, sobbing my eyes out, with no idea why.
Someone would say hi and give me a hug at work, and it’d set off the tears.
I’d talk to my friends on the phone, and when we hung up, the water works would turn on.
I didn’t ‘get it’… Why was I feeling so low? Yet during the day I felt so high?
I had nothing to be sad about.
The world had literally been handed to me, and I had been given the chance to make my dreams come true…
So why on Earth was I crying, wailing with heartache (honestly, to the point where I physically felt the ache in my heart) while holding onto my pillow so so tight, when I was alone?…
It took my colleagues to point it out to me, it was because I hadn’t been home… Or seen anyone I loved, in just over 10 weeks.
There I was, ‘Miss Independent’ throwing myself into life at 1000 mph, yet I hadn’t taken a moment to meet my needs…
My need for love and connection.
The one need that probably ranks highest for me.
Which is why I’ve come to realise today, that feeling homesick really isn’t about home — for me, it’s experienced when your need for love, connection, security and certainty are not being met.
We Need Certainty and Comfort…
The foundation of ‘Human Needs’ is certainty.
It’s our need to feel in control, to know what’s coming next, it gives us comfort, helps us avoid pain and stress, and creates pleasure.
Being surrounded by people you love gives you the certainty that you belong, that you have a pair of ears to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to give a tight cuddle at the end of the day…
We Need Love and Connection…
Love is the oxygen of life, it’s what we all want and need most.
When we love completely we feel alive, but when we lose love, the pain cuts through us, hard.
You can get that sense of connection or love through intimacy, friendship, and even a dog… (Probably one of the things I miss most…)
‘Homesickness’ Isn’t As Tough As It Used To Be…
When I came to realise that my heartache had nothing to do with the house I grew up in…
The roads I used to drive down, and all those familiar things…
And that I actually had the choice to take control and meet my own needs…
Dealing with it became a whole lot easier.
I’m the most grateful girl in the world to work with the team that I do — that welcomed me with the most loving, open arms (and do everyday),
I’ve made some of the bestest of friends who I 100% know are there to show me around so I don’t lose myself in this town, be there for a loving hug and to have a silly chit chat with,
There’s nothing holding me back from jumping in my car and seeing my family whenever I can,
Getting on a train and exploring somewhere new to shop with my mum like we always used to,
Or driving a 100 miles to hers to walk the crazy dog around the lake,
I’m in control of meeting my own needs.
And yeah, at times it feels tough when all you crave is a hug, or when you wish that 300 mile drive only took 10 minutes so you could pop round…
But when you realise what ‘homesickness’ really means, and that the cure for it is to just give yourself, and others, a little, a lotta love — dealing with it becomes a whole lot easier.
I’ve just got to open myself to deepening those relationships even more — a promise I make to myself from this moment on.
So, if you’ve moved out, if you’re somewhere completely new, if your surroundings feel foreign, and you miss having those you had deep connections with at arms length… Just know you’ve got this, you’ve got the power to take control, and keep your happy spark burning bright. ✨
And to all of those who have filled my journey with so much love, crazy laughs, and comfort — my work team, everyone new I’ve had come into my life as a result, and my family… I love you all to absolute pieces. You make my world an even brighter place 😘
Love ya zillions,
I’m the Brand Strategist and Head of Marketing for Paul Gough Media — and what we do?
We use Digital Marketing Strategies to help great Healthcare Professionals, become even more successful business owners, and live extraordinary lives (while serving more people — who need their help).
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My ‘Jam’ At The Moment:
Thomas Gold— Better Versions Of Myself