Maybe nobody reads your blog.
Maybe nobody sees the photos you take and post on instagram.
Maybe nobody watches your YouTube videos.
Maybe nobody knows it’s you who drew that picture.
But maybe that’s ok…
Summer 2015 I moved out. I moved 300 miles from the town I grew up in, to a town I’d never been close to before.
I’d always been used to spending time alone. Looking after myself and finding my own way round – but moving showed me something different…
It pushed me into even more self-discovery.
Of a weekend I sometimes had no idea what to do… truth is I was fearful of being alone.
I wanted to find something to throw myself into – something creative but had no idea ‘what’ (at least that’s what I believed).
I wanted to start a Youtube channel, so I did, but I stopped.
I thought about buying cheap sheets, some oil paints, hanging the sheets on my walls and throwing paint at them, but I didn’t.
I thought about drawing everyday, learning a new language, playing the guitar, taking up Dance lessons.
But I never did.
Why? Because I didn’t see the point if my creativity wasn’t going to have a positive impact on someone, in someway.
And quite frankly, all the complaining I was doing in my head, and all of the excuses I came up with NOT to create – were boring.
It was boring and annoying.
It’s difficult to create – if it wasn’t, everyone would be living with an open heart and would be doing it, and not giving any f’s if anyone was watching or not…
So, I finally decided to act on some advice I was given – “create for YOU.”
“Create for me? What? Write my blog and pour my heart into it even if no one reads it, and I don’t even know what I’m writing about??!”
At first this idea seemed ridiculous to me, but then I realised how I’d always journaled all my life – and those pages which I poured my soul out onto, were just for me, and that felt great.
So I did. And I’ve made a pact to myself to write this blog once a week, twice a week, three times a week, whatever the hell I feel like doing I’m gonna do it!
Because it’s fun!
If you let the fear of putting your creativity out there, you’re scaring away inspiration.
You’re blocking it out, making it step back further and further, making your own inspiration feel like it’s a drag – and that’s not loving to yourself, that’s the opposite.
I’ve felt it many times before, letting my own self-pity slam the door on the thing that I’m passionate about and energises me, and it feels cold and empty.
So that being the case I decided to start feeling joy in my own version of creativity.
Not do it to make anyone proud. Not to be a ‘people pleaser’, not to become social media famous and get a bunch of likes, not to let it define my self-worth…
But because it’s fun to me and I enjoy it.
I enjoy what I do with all my heart and it freaks people out – seriously, people think I’m weird.
But I think it’s gangster, especially when you do things for you.
And then you’ll most likely find that stepping into your inspiration will draw inspiration around you. It will send ideas to your door and attract more good people, and opportunities to your world.
So go do it!!
Whatever it is, please just do it!!
What you’ll learn about yourself – is one of the best gifts you deserve to give yourself.
I write for ME – and if by doing that it does happen to spark something in someone else, then that’s a big bonus point.
You got this. You Gangster. ❤️
My ‘Jam’ At The Moment:
Electric – Alina Baraz